Me: Now WHY did you steal my iPhone?
Calvin: BLISSSSSSSS
Category: Education
Released: Sep 09, 2009
Price: Free
Description:
Want to talk to that cute Japanese exchange student from class, but feeling self-conscious of your own Japanese speaking skills? Don't let the language barrier block you from meeting new, interesting and sexy people!
Whether you're a Japanese speaking hotshot or don't know the difference between gari and geisha, take your Japanese socializing skills one step further with the Japanese Pickup Lines interactive language tutor, from the makers of Japanese for Beginners and Crazy Japanese!
Master the sensual side of the Japanese language the fast and easy way with this awesome free language tutor! Our sexy audio guide teaches you how by reciting a number of Japanese social icebreakers and other conversation starters-- helping you make the ultimate first impression with the Sailor Moon-watching cutie or the Pachinko-playing stud.
Just some of the awesome things you will be able to do:
Impress that cute girl who sits behind you in Japanese class.
Engage in conversation with others over teppenyaki or shabu-shabu
Become popular with the local anime club.
Introduce yourself to the hot Japanese bartender in the club or game hall.
Find true love with a Japanese geisha.
So leave your Japanese dictionary in the desk. Forget about that crappy translation website that messes up even the simplest of phrases. All you do is shake and one of several insane Japanese phrases will appear on screen with an accompanying vocal cue. Shake, listen, recite, repeat. It's so easy, you'd think you're standing in a bustling Japanese metropolis such as Tokyo or Osaka right now!
And best of all: it's entirely free!
Japanese,Japan,language,translator,learn,education,anime,Buddhist,speak,recite,fre e,travel,tutor
Website: http://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewSoftware?id=329824475&mt=8
Support Website: http://www.hostflare.com/support/ [From Japanese Pickup Lines]
I, Calvin the Deeple, do hereby thank one and all for attending my show. My special thanks to the subordinate cast and the technical janitors for making my show really good. The director stayed out of my way and let me express myself appropriately, making it ever so much more to be MY show, else I would have been forced to make water upon his farthingale. As for the assistant director, I will have her, and if it be a match, as nothing is impossible.....
I am still searching for the water spaniel, however. Please send her to my trailer at once.
Calvin the Deeple has reluctantly joined the Rudes to win the heart of the assistant director. The Deeple has trained at the Royal Shakespearean Theater for Dogs, under the expert tutelage of Madame Fifi du Chien, where he received critical acclaim for this portrayal of Juliette in All Mute Theater's production of Romeo and That Ugly Girl. The Deeple received even more accolades in the lead role in The Dog Who Peed on Caesar. Lovingly referred to as "Fish Breath," Calvin the Deeple has 5 illegitimate children and lives in Northern Virginia
Deeple is sleeping off his hangover after the cast party.
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
calvinthedeeple STARRING in, and being the ONLY Gentleman in Verona. Loved and adored by all.Me: Uh, Deeps...the show isn't actually about YOU.
Deeple: Oh yes it is! You wait! You watch! *I* will receive all of the accolades! *I* will receive the fabulous review of my acting prowess. *I* will get the phone calls from Cesar Milan's agent.
Me: Given how you peed on his leg, I don't think so...
Deeple: All of that will be forgiven as I become A STAR!
Luppy: You'd better call the vet. He's having "an episode" again...
Deeple: All those women fawning over me backstage.
Me: Feeding you pizza crust is hardly fawning
Deeple: Au contraire, you biped silly person. For here is the evidence:
Deeple: See? They are even trying to LOOK like me!
Me: Woe!
- Mood:
amused
Luppy: You only got the role because you're sleeping with the Assistant Director,
wondermojzMe: Uh, Luppy, he wasn't really sleeping with...more like sleeping ON...her lap. That doesn't quite mean the same thing.
Luppy: Don't I know it, sister. I still have 4 of his little brats chasing me around after his last "sleep with."
Me: Ahem. This is a PG-13 Live Journal, remember?
Calvin: But enough about you. More about ME! I'm penning a note to the director. I have some ideas.
Me: Such as?
Calvin: I feel I should be carried in on a platform, with a beautiful woman on each corner, scantily clad, with another walking before the platform throwing rose petals at my feet.
Me: Uh, Calvin...
Calvin: And then I should be set on velvet pillows from whence I will deliver my lines and my poses.
Me: Uh, Calvin...
Calvin: And then the most beautiful of the women will spoon feed me filet mignon, as it was prepared in Verona during the appropriate timeframe.
Me: I hate to pop your bubble, Calvin (well maybe "hate" is a rather strong word) but you're playing a character with no lines. You will be carried in a bag, or by me, and I doubt you're getting a pillow. As for being spoon fed, in your dreams, baby.
Calvin: We'll just SEE about that! I'm going to call Josh RIGHT NOW.
Me: Good thing he has caller ID.
Calvin: Why isn't he answering?
Me: Because he has a brain?
Calvin: WOE!
Me: Oh here we go
Calvin: And I'm going to need a fur lined bag to lounge in, and my own hairdresser, and...
Me: Calvin, just WHAT are you talking about?
Calvin: I'm a STAR! I am STARRING in "Two Gentlemen of Verona" and being the only gentleman on the stage, I am OBVIOUSLY playing both of them.
Me: I don't know quite how to break this to you, but you are playing Crab.
Calvin: Ah...increasing my dynamic acting range by playing a watery creature with claws. I can do that.
Me: Uh, Calvin. Crab is a DOG
Calvin: Now wait just one minute...ME, a DEEPLE, playing a DOG?
Me: That would be correct, a dog.
Calvin: WOE!
Me: Some days it's pretty tough being a human around you.
Calvin: Well, at least perhaps I'll get to woo some of those lovely ladies from the Rudes.
Me: How do you figure?
Calvin: Well, it's obvious that one of those lovely ladies will be playing opposite ME, correct?
Me: Yes, one of them will.
Calvin: I wonder which one it will be...oh, those lovely exotic women. Will it be my
wondermojz?Me: Fraid not, bucko...she's Assistant Director
Calvin: Or perhaps that brilliantly lovely
lialife or disc_sophist who will carry me in their arms and pet me ever so lovingly...Me: Try again
Calvin: Or maybe...
Me: Oh stop already Calvin, that person who is going to be carrying you around is ME!
Calvin: WOE! But you're MOM!
Me: Bliss!
- Mood: amused
Me: Well, given the fact that this is the closest you've ever been to actually learning how to PLAY!
Calvin: I thought I was doing well until YOU clipped my NAILS!
Me: Since you were tripping over them, it was necessary.
Calvin: Well, this guitar case reminds me SO much of my
wondermojz that I just HAD to get a close to her as I possibly could, and since she TOUCHED this guitar, I had to where ELSE would I reside to be close to her?Me: Next thing I know you'll be stealing my cell phone and trying to call her.
Calvin: Uh...well...uh.....
Me (after taking cell phone away from under Calvin's butt): Yep, I figured.
Calvin: WOE!
Me: Oh geez, what is your problem THIS time?
Calvin: Nobody is here except YOU!
Me: Well,
dogpooh is here and he feeds youCalvin: But he is not....a WOMAN
Me: I am
Calvin: But you're MOM! That's just...EUGH!
Me: And, of course there's your WIFE!
Luppy: Don't forget about ME bub, mother of YOUR offspring
Calvin: But NONE of you are
meliapet or vvalkyri or free_of_whip or easy_living or wondermojz or any of THOSE women!Luppy: And what of it, you ungrateful wretch! YOU try birthing 5 monster puppies.
Calvin: WOE!
*sound at the door. Calvin's head perks up, ears raise. Dejected, he slumps back down*
Calvin: It's only
exsmofMe: GEEZ Calvin! Some people would be happy for what they DO have.
Calvin: But they are PEOPLE, NOT Deeples!
Me: You are a spoiled Diva. Just because
meliapet spent so uch tie petting your sorry butt and letting you stick you tongue up her nose, now you're all flitting around doing that love thing again and ignoring those of us who are your FAMILY!Calvin: I learned it from closer observation of PEOPLE!
Me: Woe!
Calvin: If you'd been a REAL mom you would have brought me those Indigo Girls.
calvinthedeeple!Me: That's the rule, Deeps. If you want to come to work, you have to get in the bag
Calvin: WOE!
And so it was that
calvinthedeeple was smuggled into the vast Oracleness, past the security guards and up the elevatorMe: So why did you want to come with me to work anyway?
Calvin: I wanted to see someone do the needful. I wanted to meet your co-workers, see your kennel, and find out where you spend all day away from ME! Woe!
Me: It's not by choice, dear. You know I'd stay home with you,
dogpooh the TV remote and Hogan's Heroes. But large corporate America would not like this and we might have to live under a bridge.Calvin: Without a PILLOW?
Me: Likely so.
As the doors opened onto the fourth floor, squeals of "He's so CUTE" echoed down the halls.
Calvin: My audience awaits! But why does this place look like an ant farm?
Me: Remember what I said about corporate America?
Co-Worker: Does he shed? I'm allergic to dogs!
Calvin: Do YOU shed?
Me: WOE!
And
calvinthedeeple was a hit with the boss, the boss' boss, and the boss' boss' boss, as well as minions just like me, and another manager that calvinthedeeple scared as he rounded the corner. All in all a productive day.- Mood: chipper
Me: Your what?
Calvin: And my bon bons. Where are my bon bons?
Me: Oh no not again!
Calvin: Yes, I am a star, DESPITE the way you brought me into my beloved
wondermojz last night.Me: You had to be hidden. We'd been told that DOGS aren't allowed, and you know that most people think you a dog.
Calvin: But did you have to put me in a BAG of all things? How depressing to be carted around inside LUGGAGE!
Me: It wasn't long before everyone wanted to hold you and play with you. Even your
wondermojzCalvin: Clever me for luring her with my lovely "Morrigan Thinks I'm Special" t-shirt.
Me: Which you can thank me for later
Calvin: Harumph!
Me: AND for the hot dog I gave you last night
Calvin: You KNOW someone would have fed me. You KNOW they all came just for ME.
Me: I think a lot came to see Mo and her band and hear them play.
Calvin: You can THINK that. They were there for ME! The greatest Deeple there ever was!
Me: Well, oh greatest Deeple, I have bad news for you.
Calvin: Oh?
Me: Yes, that was your "personal manicurist" on the phone. She says she doesn't do DOGS and suggest I use a dremel tool.
Calvin: WOE!
wondermojz and whatever other lovely women he decides to woo at the moment. And therefore, Deeple Original PoetryHer hair is like black then like red
And most of it is on her head
Her eyes aren't muddy brown like mine
Her voice is sweet, not like my whine
Her love is like a fire hose
And she has nostrils in her nose
I hope she makes a song from this
Cuz that, of course, will be my BLISS
So happy now the critics are
Or I will pee upon their car
For I have made this original Deeple
Writing better than most people
wondermojz, the Deeple writes more songs....Almost Heaven, Park Tacoma
Beltway mountains, stream they call a river
Traffic's old there, older than the geeze
Younger than a fruit bat, growing like Belize
Country Mo...take me home....to the place...I belong
Morrigan's house...without my mama
Take me home...Country Mo
ok...that's not so good. Time to try again.
heard about cars, loaded with dog food
packed up and ready to roll
heard of some dog toys, out by the highway
a place where good Deeples know
The sounds of Mo shows, off in the distance
I want to see them and how
But when I go there, I get the message
You know that dogs ain't allowed
-------
By THE DEEPLE, all rights reserved
dogpooh is a marvelous cookMe: Yes, he makes absolutely wonderful food.
Calvin: Yes, he made me some lovely salmon with eggs
Me: He also made you some pasta with turkey, but you picked through the pasta and ate only the turkey, leaving it in a big pile in the bottom of the bowl
Calvin: It was PASTA! How can I, a carnivorous DEEPLE, possibly eat PASTA!?!
Me: YOU, a carnivorous DEEPLE ate salmon, a FISH!
Calvin: Did NOT!
Me: Did TOO! You ate FISH
Calvin: Salmon is NOT fish! It is MEAT!
Me: And eggs are not meat either.
Calvin: They are too! It says so on the dog food can!
Me: Just because it lists an ingredient on a dog food can does NOT mean it's meat.
Calvin: IS TOO! IS TOO!
Me: Ok, I was just kidding, it's meat.
Calvin: Good. Can I have some more?
I shall take this to the highest level of the Live Journal humans!
Calvin: I need my pillow adjusted, and what time is it? The manicurist should be here by now.
Me: Uh, what?
Calvin: I have an IMAGE to uphold. You HEARD them cheering for me last night. The lights, the cameras, the ADORATION of ME, the Deeple!
Me: Your head is swelling
Calvin: They LOVED me! They followed me everywhere. Those women in the green room and the ones who came to see me backstage. And the CHEERS when
wondermojz brought me out on stage. It is my calling. I must perfect my look, my brand, my DEEPLENESS.Me: Oh geez! How did I *know* this would happen?
Calvin: The pictures, the pettings, my gloriously dapper sweater!
Me: Woe!
Calvin: You SAW them all cheer for me, didn't you? You SAW
vvalkyri and free_of_whip and easy_living and all of those other beautiful women...oh, and of course there were men too but I just don't swing that way. I am a STAR!Me: Calvin, while it is true that there was much cheering, and many cameras and all that attention, it was for MO! Not for the Deeple. You were important and cute and a lovely guest, but you were NOT Mo, although if you ask her nicely she might teach you to sing better.
Calvin: Oh that's where you're SO WRONG! they were there to see ME. Mo merely held me up for my adoring crowd. I bet I single handedly got more donations for the Washington Animal Rescue League than SHE did!
Me: You poor deluded boy. Did those lights to something to your tiny brain?
Calvin: Really! I could do my OWN CD! Deeple Songs: The Music of His Deepleness. It would be HEAVENLY
Me: That wasn't quite the word I was thinking of. The neighbors already complain
Calvin: You'll SEE! I'll be a STAR! I should be famous, all my friends agree! I deserve it, so I can become, all I was meant to be!
Me: here we go...
Calvin: You oughta get near this, cuz it's all about ME!
Me: Yep, it's all about you. Now it's time for YOU to go out!
Calvin: But it's RAINING! I'll spoil my HAIR! Woe!
My appearance will DEFINITELY cause many more tickets to be sold. Therefore, if you also come to this illustrious event to see ME, (forgetting completely about my dearest
wondermojz), I shall allow myself to be petted, but only if you purchase appropriate tickets.Why
wondermojz failed to call this event Deeple Love is beyond me! Oh, and if you click on the photo (that has some creature besides ME in it), you will get to the page to buy the tickets. GO THERE NOW!
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